My Blog

dun make me regret my decision…

feeling very restless these few days… i dunoe y… collegues say tat i seem super happy… on a perm ‘high’ mode recently… but… i dunoe… i guess i am not…

1 year ago… something happened… i got super upset… super depressed… but i got over it… on and off… i will get emo.. but i still get over it… this is life… i cant dwell in the past… the past has taught me to be happy wif wat i have… to try things i din dare to try… wat i am now is wat the past made me to be…

- i learnt to finally sing … as in really sing..

- i learnt to drink… as in drink drank drunk… :X

- i learnt to love myself more.. hence.. my endless buying of stuff * this is a no no *

but one thing bad abt my past… i learnt i cant really trust my heart… it has always been a war between the mind and the heart… mind say noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…. heart says yessssssssssssssssss…. and im e kind who listen to my heart… sighz…

am i regretting my decision now… i also not very sure… *prove me wrong… pls*

there are still nites when i NEED to drink before zzz… if not i will juz end up starin at the ceiling or at my soft toys -_-" … my dad was asking me.. have u been drinking alot… *erhmm… i have a mini bar of alcohols in my room* i juz keep quiet… sighzz…

i am trying to find my real MEEEEEEEEE… cos i was tinking… is it i dunoe my goal in life bla bla bla… hence i am feeling this way? hoho… 26 already… i STILL dunoe… i am not a super ambitious gal… i wan to do wat i like… i dun crave to live in big condos… drive flashy cars… *altough i dun mind having branded goods… haha*  or to travel so frequently tat my home bcomes a hotel instead… i guess i am weird this way…

*bang head against the wall* this feeling is so so so so shitty…and it does nt help to hear this *nowadays… MARRIED MEN HAVE GF too…* (GF as in mistress ok…)… sighz… where is the security of a marriage??? who wan to get marry if the world is really like tat??

OK… i am really RAMBLING rubbish now…

=X

我想我不够爱你
我不曾忘了自己
没那么全心投入
所以会一败涂地
我想我不够爱你
我忘了你的勇气
没办法重来一次
也只好听天由命
不能在没有月亮的夜里
也不能轻易地闭上眼睛
因为你会出现在天空或心里
不能在一望无际的地方
也不能钻进了拥挤人群
因为寂不寂寞
都会提醒我
我失去了我不够爱的你

okie…i copied this from someone’s blog… seems pretty meaningful…

it seems fitting for tat person… i guess

wat do u do when u thot u have moved on… u thot ur life seems fine and dandy w/o tat person? and suddenly… flashes of memories come back to you… as if… all the loving moments happen juz only yesterday?

wat do u do when as u see certain scenes in shows/movies and tat person face flash in your mind?

wat do u do when u realize u juz cant 4get tat person…

Ohh, how about a round of applause,
Yeah, standin’ ovation,
Ooh ohh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.

But it’s over now.

this is take a bow by Rihanna.. it seems juz sooooooooo fitting right now.. my babe is doing well now.. i reallyyyyyyyyyyyy juz hope tat pc of shit will NV EVER contact her again.. but.. i am so afraid her heart will soften and she will let him come in to her life again.. i noe i cant stop her is she does tat.. i have told her.. do wat u wan.. i will always support u no matter wat.. i juz dun wan to see her heart broken again.. it is a horrible horrible feeling…

so freaking emo now… mayb cos of wat i heard last nite… the nite before… i was so freaking tramatised by one of my dearie msg… they have broken up cos.. he had a 3rd party… is like… i dunoe y… my this group of gfs have like the most stable relationships compared to my other frds.. in my eyes… they are all ready to walk down the aisle and say i do to their partners… tat msg really shook up my usually stable world.. mayb is the feeling of… the world is juz so darn cruel…

on mon nite.. upon receiving the sms… i was like in shock… it was 2am in the morn…i din noe wat to do and i din wan to call her… noe she will totally break down if i call her. i could only sms her… she took comfort in my words and she did slp a little… for me… for the next hr… i could not close my eyes… i was too darn angry at the LITTLE pc of shit… how dare he hurt her.. he is totally NOT A MAN…

the nx day… my thots was on the situation… to me it juz seems soooo senseless. how could all this happened??? me and the gals met up tat nite… she talked… she dug out all the info from him… thru out the conversation… i was like ranting at the bastard… cos… my dearie… may not be the perfect gf, but she was one of those faithful kind… got issues… work it out… got prob… talk it out…yes she throw temper too.. but pls pls plsssssssss tell me which gal dont?? he say… he really find that bitch special… machim like god’s gift to him…and say like… there is something in her tat u dun have…. plsssssssssssssssssssssssss….my dearie’s heart is breaking and U continue pouring praise of love on tat BITCH…do you have  heart or wat… the BITCH ate it up ar…*thru out the conversation… my dearie’s eye was red and watery… but she din cry… tat is how she is… so darn strong*

at the pt… i really really feel like slapping him… it was like a 5 yr relationship… she gone thru the worst stage in his life WIF him…she has not even tasted the good and he does tis to her!!!  yes i noe my dearie is ur 1ST gf… i noe u FELT u din PLAY enuff… but tat is NOT a FREAKING REASON to BREAK my DEARIE’s HEART!! at least u COULD have BEEN a MAN and break up wif my dearie before going ALL THE WAY wif tat BITCH… i have plenty of frds… gals OR guys… who married their 1st bf/gf… and they are FREAKING HAPPY wif their lives… gosh… tat was like wat happen last nite during our talk… i was so darn pissed off…

i am NEVER going to believe guy’s crap talk of…"u are so darn special to me…" bla bla bla… guys always wan the best.. they keep searching and changing gfs like pcs of cloth… looking for the most trendy one… is like.. i am so deillusioned by man…

i noe.. is a fact… man breaks woman’ heart, woman breaks man’s heart too… at least be DECENT abt it… if u tink u lost the feeling… at least try to rekindle it… if cant… break up… dun use the other as a spare tyre till u found another…

i have heard of others too… men… who are married… can tell my gfs…"is u i love". WTF… ur wives are wat… flower vase to put at home ar… U ARE MARRIED FOR GOD SAKE…HAVE THE DECENCY TO TINK abt UR WIVE’S feeling…or do you tink once married…ur wives suddenly have no emotions??? U DARE TO INVITE my GFS up for some hanky panky??? that is u and ur wife lovenest for god sake..

gosh. i am definately in a bad mood today… juz so freaking deillusioned by this word LOVE… is there even such a thing existing in our world now?

-_-"

hoho… i am officially 1 year older.. sighz… boring… old liao… one of my besties msg me… happy birthday… 1 year older liao… be more sensible ar.. -_-"… haha

but this year… i felt very much happier… there were some dinners and meet ups… 1st was the surprise dinner organised by my QAD, then a dinner wif my family, then  dinner wif dearie, den a dinner wif my 4 darlings… is like eat and eat n eat…haha… no clubbing this time round… BUT BUT BUT… i miss clubbing lo… sighz.. :’(

there were loads of birthday msgs from all my dearies… hehe… some using frdster… some using sms… haha… a few surprise gifts from pple aro me…

i finally got my cupboard!!! courtesy of dearie. hoho.. more place to put my endless amt of clothes and bags!! soooooooooo happy!!! haha… my gf was asking me… how come din get one shoe cupboard… ans… not enuff place to put the cupboard in my room!!! and if i put outside… my mama will KILL me… sighz…

was very surprised by the gift from my team.. hoho… they noe me sooo well… they got some stuff from face shop!! haha… the lipgloss was so pinky… *so me*… there was a pair of fake eyelash… *i tink the longest one was chosen*… it was all these things tat made me super touched! Apparently they noe me well enuff to choose wat i will like… super super touched lo….

hence thru all these events… my msn nick is  *beaming with happiness* hehe…

there are still more dinners coming up.. die liao lo… hence… haha… but still it juz shows that i have good frds and i am loved.

Got a very pleasant surprise from my QAD. Reservations was made at a beautiful resturant full of DESSERTS… *tink i have died and went to HEAVEN* and i was sitting right next to all those mouth watering desserts… droolzzz…. QAD says… my eyes keep drifting over to my right *tat is where the dessert counter is* But i din even notice tat i was doing it!!! haha

the service was so so only… haha… the waitress and the MANAGER din noe wat a wine collar is!! -_-" He actually juz took out a cork and stuck it in the bottle… it was really.. -_-" we burst out laughing the minute he turned away… cos… it was juz sooooooooooooo lame tat a MANAGER do not know wat it was!!! They had like one huge collection of wines and they do not know wat a wine collar is. I can forgive the waitress but the MANAGER… haha… in the end… QAD had to make one out of a napkin… -_-"

During the meal, there was PLENTLY of laughter… tink… we pretty much attracted loads of attention from the other diners… hehe… but oh well, cos Junie, JJ and Sharon was such great company. Thanks GALS!!

JJ drove her car out too!! Woohoo… dun need to rush wif the rest of the pple for cab/bus/mrt! hehe… and a smooth smooth ride home too!! hehe

Again… thanks gals!

wat do consider right.. wat do u consider wrong…

i had a great friday last week… i meet up wif my bestie and whined away to her abt my frustrations… she juz told me… it’s juz a job… why do i make myself so unhappy over it… dun let the actions of others affect me too much…

she told me wat has been done is undermining my authority… and ignoring the fact tat i was put in this position by her… i always have this feeling that she felt i am unable to take up the responsibility…. juz bcos i qn why is my dept doing such work… doesn’t mean i trying to taiji away work… i juz wan once and for all, the procedure to be right…

i dont tink our dept should be one tat swallows ALL the paperwork juz cos we are CS… i dun tink this shld be the way… am i wrong to qn tat… if everything gets dump here… the dept will get more and more frustrated… once or twice we dun mind HELPING to do…but… if it’s taken for granted… den it gets bad…

i have already voice out to you… but i guess it didnt help…

i hope i can keep the decision firm…

great… this whole week i have been so super emo… tears are like at the edge of my eyes… ready to roll down at the slightest issues…

i do not noe how to explain this… is like a mixture of the green eyed dragon and my very own fiery temper… how would you feel when everyone noes wat is going on in our own dept before u do.. and the person who consulted them is

ur

own superior… even unrelated personnel noe about it?? i felt soooooooooooooooooo unuseful…

issues are being by-passed by me… wat needs to be done by me is passed to some1 else to do… so i am or not still in charge… mixed signals are given and i am growing increasingly frustrated… i snap too easily now…

If i have given anyone the impression that i am not busy… I AM TELLING YOU NOW… I AM BUSY… but still if it needs to be done by me… juz say… explain clearly… dun get frustrated wif me even when some1 else is pressing you for the info…

i am growin increasingly insignificant in your eyes… yes we did talk… but i dun tink anything changed? they still hover in your room…when i talk to u… u gave me the feeling you dun wan to talk.. mayb i caught u a a wrong time… mayb it was the way i talk… too harsh? too demanding? when u leave the ofc.. u say bye to her and not to me… and i am juz sitting near her… this kind of things affect my morale… so wat if u keep tellin me to talk to u.. to let u noe my thots… when u dun even bother to listen… or are u taking my words from a negative point of view?

There are many frdships formed here… really many… but I guess I am too affected by it cos I dun feel the care and concern you have given them…and 3 of them are juz sitting aro me… I entered the company way longer den 2 of them… I wasted so many tears and my personal time over the work here… i dun even get the same treatment as them… do u noe how damn demoralizing is that??

She gets frustrated wif work.. she tears… and u are so worried about her… hello…. I am

UR

Anyway all these are starting to affect me… so I guess… anyway… I have decided…

taken from the new paper…

WITH a wag of its tail and a colourful US Marines bandanna around its neck, this dog bounded into the San Deigo’s Lindbergh Field airport on Friday, oblivious to the reporters and cameras present there.

The clean environs of the airport were a far cry from the time when it lived in war-torn Iraq and fed on scraps.

US Marine Major Brian Dennis, 36, spotted this German shepherd-border collie mix last October.

Major Dennis was part of the military team building infrastructure along the Syria-Iraq border and training Iraqi forces.

He spotted the grey and white dog in Iraq’s Anbar province while he was on patrol duty and named it Nubs after learning that someone cut the ears off believing it would make the dog more aggressive and alert.

Within weeks, Nubs was greeting Major Dennis during routine patrol stops along border communities. The Marines fed him bits of their food and by November, Major Dennis and his unit were keeping an eye out for the dog, which routinely chased their Humvees when they departed.

Life on the run, however, was taking a toll on the canine, who had lost a tooth and been bitten in the neck.

In late December, Major Dennis found Nubs almost frozen to death in the freezing temperatures. The canine had also been stabbed with a screwdriver.

Major Dennis rubbed antibiotic cream on the wound and slept with Nubs to keep him warm.

In a letter to his family in the US, he wrote: ‘I really expected he would be dead. Somehow he made it through the night.’

In January this year, Major Dennis had to leave Nubs behind as he was not allowed to take it along with him when his unit was ordered back to the command post 104km away.

Nubs chased after the Marines Humvee as they departed.

Major Dennis thought that that was the last they had seen of the dog. But two days later, he and a colleague saw Nubs staring back at them.

The Major wrote in a letter: ‘Somehow that crazy damned dog tracked us.’

But the reunion was short lived. US military policy prohibits having pets in war zones, and the major was given four days to get the dog off the base or kill him.

The decision was easy: Nubs was going to San Diego.

ARRANGEMENTS

With help from his Iraqi interpreter, Major Dennis managed to find a Jordanian veterinarian to get the care and paperwork needed to get the dog to the US. He also negotiated the red tape to get Nubs across the border into Jordan.

In an e-mail to his friends and family, Major Dennis wrote: ‘This dog who had been through a lifetime of fighting, war, abuse… is going to live the good life.’

According to Major Dennis’ mother Mrs Marsha Cargo, their family and close friends helped raise the US$3,500 ($4,900) needed to get the dog from Amman, Jordan, to San Diego.

‘I just can’t believe it. Out there in the middle of nowhere these two find each other,’ she said.

A colleague in San Diego agreed to care for the dog and have it trained until Major Dennis returns in March from Iraq.

For now, though, Nubs is finally safe - and waiting for his master to follow him.

this is such a sweet story… it juz shows how amazing dog’s love for someone who shown it compassion and TLC… imagine tracking down someone juz cos he has loved you… thru the ever changing weather .. thru the harsh environment…. thru the crazy humans who tried to kill it… gosh… is juz too amazing… guess is the animals’ heart who believes in only the goodness of the one who has taken care of it…

guess it will nv happen in the HUMAN world.. :X

so damn demoralising… how come i am ALWAYS playing second fiddle to the EVIL GAME!!! huh… pls explain yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…….. abandoned at home cos u NEED to complete the game… best… i have other frds calling me up for games and visiting and JUZ COZ u SAY WANNA meet… i rejected them… WTF!!! i waited till like evening den felt like an idiot for WASTING my sunday on sitting on my ass and waiting for you to be done…

no more…of this… i hate it… tat time wat u tell me… u will reduce once u got back wat u lost… but nooooooooooooo…. it stills continues…great … wat comes aro gones aro…

if u have plans for TAT EVIL GAME…. dun ask for meet up and expect me to wait for like 5-6 hrs for u to be done… no more of this… i was so darn frustrated i nearly threw my hp against the wall… cos i FELT LIKE A FREAKING IDIOT…